Hot not

OK, Buzzfeed‘s not the most… respectable… source for articles about our business. But this one (which is complete with pictures) demands some pushback:

18 Classical Composers, Ranked By Hotness
Players gonna play
18. Wilhelm Richard “Velvet Cap” Wagner
Here we see Wagner reclining on a basket of flowers, all like, “You can ride my Valkyrie, sweetheart.” Too bad Willy was NOT a chill guy.
17. Peter “Giggle Chins” Tchaikovsky
Give me a man who can rock a three-piece tartan suit any day.
16. Frederick “Lady Killer” Chopin
Freddy, baby, nocturne me.
15. Johann “O Rly?” Sebastian Bach
Don’t you just want to touch whatever is under that wig?
14. Claude “Little Hands” Debussy
Clair de Hottie, am I right?
13. Johannes “Skeletor” Brahms
Put away those lullabies, doll.
12. Franz “Wild Thang” Schubert
Those luscious sideburns, that itty cleft chin, those mysterious wire spectacles… What happens when the bow tie comes undone?
11. Ludwig “Fireball” van Beethoven
I hear he’s amazing with his hands.

The Top Ten aren’t any better.
As Buzzfeed might say – O Rly? Go look at the pictures and make up your own minds. But, for my money, with the exception of Chopin, the (young) Brahms, Franz Liszt, and possibly George Gershwin, it’s a pretty homely crew, at least by today’s standards. Maybe things were different in the 1800s, but I don’t think Buzzfeed was online back then.
Clara Schumann and Fanny Mendelssohn, on the other hand, were both talented composers and very attractive. So, Buzzfeed – go do some research.